


Healing Through Submission

by StoneWitch



Category: Devil May Cry
Genre: Anxiety, Choking, Eventual Smut, F/M, How Do I Tag, I am so sorry, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Light Bondage, My First Work in This Fandom, My first smut too, Panic Attacks, Past Sexual Abuse, healing through touch, this takes so long to move
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-28 18:37:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17188259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StoneWitch/pseuds/StoneWitch
Summary: A story in which a broken girl heals from past abuse by the guiding touch of V: the mysterious hunter who promised to replace the violence her skin remembers with the love he's going to soak her in..........It's all one encounter, but it got so long, I thought it good to break up. It is now finished, but I remind you I have never written like this before. Send help. (Or love, love is appreciated too)





	1. Trust Me?

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if I've said it enough but I have literally never written smut before in my life.  
> This story in particular is not necessarily meant for it's sexy factor though, it's about healing and learning to trust again.  
> There is a lot of anxiety, mixed emotions and there will be depictions of a panic attack later. Self harm scars are here as well. Please read safely.  
> It takes so long to move and I am SO sorry for that.  
> It's divided into chapters because of the length... and because I was not done writing it before I posted it originially. It's all here now though..  
> Writing advice would be awesome.  
> Gentle critiques would be next best.  
> I have no clue what I'm doing, my brain just dumped this story in my lap (and idk, OC might possibly a little bit be me but let's not worry about that right now.)

He gazed down on her with the eyes of a warm lake as he leaned in. One hand was pressed to the wall next to her head, the other slowly, gently curling his long fingers around her hip. With him towering over her, she became acutely aware of how small she was; this shivering and frail mass of skin and bones under his hands. It wouldn’t take much. Not much at all.

She wouldn’t be able to fight for long if he  _ changed _ .

Pulling in a long breath, she clenched her eyes shut and forced her senses to zero in on the smell of his long, leather jacket as she tried to cool the quaking of her nerves. A sliver of anger was pulsating up through her throat.  _ We haven’t even started _ !

“Ah, ah,” he chastised, tightening his fingers on her hip just enough to get her attention. “Look at me.”

His voice was low and deep, like crisp smoke or smooth silk, she wasn’t sure but it wrapped around her nerves, drawing them into a place of stillness. God, she loved the way he could do that. She would have to remind herself to tell him that later.  _ Your voice is an anchor, please keep talking. Lull the lightning that short circuits in my muscles. I need you _ .

She let her eyes flutter open again, seeing his smiling mouth first as he dipped his head to catch her gaze with his.

“You’re safe,” he whispered, his forehead pressed against hers.

“Say that again,” she begged.

“You’re safe, you’re safe, you’re safe,” he chanted it like a spell, his hand tightening again but slower as he led her hip to the wall.

Instinct sent a whimper out of her lips when her body realized it was caged between his and the solid surface behind her, but the sound only made him chuckle. His breath flushed warm air across her face.

“You’re safe,” he promised again, his lips brushing the tip of her nose with the words.

She nodded, breathing out slow and pulling the air back the same way. Her hands were trembling at her sides, but she fisted them as he stepped closer. His hips pressed against hers, slowly applying the pressure until they could replace the power his hand held in immobilizing her against the wall. 

That left his inked hand with the freedom to travel, its first destination being to curl around one of her fists left limp at her side. He eased her fingers open, pressing their palms together and showing her how tiny hers was in comparison.

“You’re safe,” he continued to coo as he moved one leg between hers, slowly brushing her heated core and pulling a moan from her trembling lips.

His smile at the sound made her heart clench.

“That’s it,” he praised quietly.

He traced her ribs with his hand, his fingertips feather light and barely felt through her shirt. His breathing deepened and as he pressed his body closer, she felt the rise and fall of his heaving chest against hers. The effort in holding back his desires was something that made her head spin.  _ I’m not the gentlest of partners _ , that was what he’d said, and now she could see the strength that he was holding back as her spine aligned with the wall, pinning her whole body. 

“You’re safe,” he was still muttering as he dipped his head to kiss her cheek. 

He left a trail of kisses across her jaw, slow and careful while his hand came up to the curve of neck and shoulder. His thumb stroked her carotid artery, pressing against it slightly. She didn’t realize he was paying perfect attention to the racing beat until she felt his lips frown against the underside of her jaw. 

He didn’t pull back, though, just raised his head and brushed the shell of her ear with his lips. 

“Are you afraid?” he breathed, his voice hoarse with lust. 

She gulped down a couple of breathes. 

“Not consciously,” she almost whined. 

He nodded, satisfied with the answer. 

“Do you want to continue?”

The question almost jarred her, causing her to coil up all her muscles. He pulled back just enough to lock his eyes with hers. 

She nodded, holding her breath.  _ This isn’t going to stop until you erase the memories _ . Would her gaze be able to say the words aloud? She wasn’t sure. But it wasn’t like he didn’t know that. They’d discussed all of this before it started. 

Her need for the fear to be reigned in, her ache to feel an intimate hand on her and the desperate wish that it wouldn’t make her skin hum with terror. He’d meticulously asked her question after question when she first said that she would let him try to help her… it was like he’d had a checklist in his mind. They didn’t plan this encounter minute for minute, but rather he gave her the opportunity to tell him what he could or could not try to ease her body into, and in return she gave him the free reign to do as he wished with the boundaries she  _ wanted _ him to push.

Sparks of the man he was holding back flashed within his eyes and he leaned down like he was going to kiss her. Instinct had her pressing her head back like she could melt into the wall. 

He commanded softly against her lips, “say it out loud. Continue?”

Her heart stopped, but she forced the word out, “yes!”

He smirked down at her before slowly returning his face to the crook of her neck, placing soft kisses along the curve of it. His thumb drew circles into her skin on the other side and he moved his thigh between her legs torturously slow. Biting her lip, she held back the sounds of pleasure as she pressed down on the friction he was providing. A warm flame was building inside of her belly and she didn’t want this to end.  _ It’s been so long since I’ve  _ **_wanted_ ** _ this _ …

“Do you trust me?” he queried against her jugular.

The moment he asked, her mind started to scream about bruises and pain, flashing with the memory of the flickering beast V held back, as if drawing up proof that she couldn’t and that he would  _ change _ the same way as the last one. 

Clenching her eyes shut, she stammered out, “y-y-yes!”

Once the word was out, she gulped down a hard breath like it had taken all of her energy. (which in truth, it had. Has he got no idea how hard it is to battle with one’s own mind?)

He smiled again into her skin, opening his mouth against her throat. His tongue snaked out in a hot line and then she felt pressure build around the warmth. 

A moan broke through her mouth as his teeth slowly descended against her skin, tightening their hold until she thought he might actually draw blood. Yet the searing fire that erupted from his bite was the exact opposite of what her mind remembered  _ that _ feeling like. A gasp was breathed in as she found her hand reaching up to bury into his silken locks. 

“Do that again,” she all but demanded, pressing against his head. 

His dark chuckle sent ice across her flushed skin, but he obeyed. Repeating the same slow deliberation that confused her senses with this strangely pleasurable pain that he was drawing from her neck. She was moving freely against his leg now, which had in turn gone still and allowed her the freedom of her pleasure. 


	2. Take Your Breath Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to google how this part would even work/feel like, I am so sorry for ignorance if you know better. Help me learn.

She didn’t notice his hand on the side of her neck moving until she became suddenly aware of his thumb ghosting across the front of her throat. His fingers curled round, his grip coming up so her chin was in the gap between thumb and forefinger. 

Before understanding and panic could settle into her chest, he was moving his leg against her harder, earning mewls that sent her mind into a fog. He raised his head to look into her eyes. 

“Trust me?” he asked again, and she started to realize that he was shaking. 

Even the hand that was resting just a tightening of fingers away from choking her was vibrating against her skin. He was holding back everything for her to be comfortable. 

She felt the unreasonable sting of tears in the corners of her eyes as she bit her lip.  _ Why are you going through all that trouble _ ? The power in his hands and the incredible difference of their height could force compliancy from her body with little effort if he’d wanted. 

But she didn’t say that. 

One of his fingers tapped her neck, drawing her attention back as he smiled oh so softly. 

“Well?”

Oh right. She nodded. 

His fingers twitched on her throat, her eyes widening. 

“V?” she squeaked. 

His other hand came off the wall, gripping her hip and pulling it to be flush with his. She could feel his need against her thigh and relished in the shaky exhale that he released across her face. 

“Say it,” he commanded, soft but with an edge of gravelly desire. “Do you still trust me?”

She gulped, hyper aware of what he was going to do when she weakly answered, “yes.”

So slow that they actually twitched, his fingers tightened on her throat. In that same second, a cold panic raced up her spine and her hands flew up to his shoulders, digging her nails in. She’d had  _ just _ enough self control over her reigning instincts to send them there when they’d wanted to claw at his arm and yank it off. But touching his wrist was supposed to be her  _ stop _ signal. And she didn’t  _ want _ it to stop, despite every nerve ending in her body misfiring and thundering like a storm under her skin.

“You’re safe, you’re safe,” he promised, not breaking eye contact as he leaned close to her face. 

Their mouths were a hair's breadth away, noses brushing but he was watching her eyes. The pressure of his fingers tilted downward slightly, pressing on either side of her neck. She was growing lightheaded as the blood flow was disrupted and her body felt soft, like she was floating. If he wasn’t pressing his entire body against hers, holding her up against the wall, she thought she may just rise up like a balloon and float away. Still, some part of her was clinging to his words as he whispered and with what little movement she had, she nodded that she understood, even as the waiting tears spilled down her cheeks when her breathing became ragged. 

The first time they  _ really _ kissed, she was releasing the last of her stored breath while he swallowed it down with his mouth on hers. 

His lips were soft and though he progressed slowly with pressing in, somehow she could still feel the demand in his kiss. The claim he laid across her lips that wouldn’t be ignored, the harsh and loving promise to keep her kisses as his and his alone. The surge of power as she freely gave him what had only ever been stolen before and the promise that it would never be stolen again.

His hand released on her throat and snaked up into her hair as he nipped at her bottom lip. She had just enough time to hiss an inhale that could have also been a backwards moan as she gave him access to the inside of her mouth. His tongue slipped in, exploring slow and meticulously like he was studying and memorizing it. His fingers grew tight in her hair as he parted the kiss, pulling her head away just slightly. She gulped down her precious air supply as his thumbs brushed away the tears she’d forgotten she’d shed.

“You did so good,” he praised again. “You’re so good. And so safe. I’ve got you.”

He descended on her neck again, biting and sucking on the flesh until it was surely purple under his mouth. She was writhing against him, moaning his name and surprising even herself with the putty she’d become in his control.  _ I have given away the same power that once had been stolen.  _ Some part of her cried from deep in her belly, while her heart hushed it gently  _ but he is taking care of me, it’s okay. _

Her hips jerked against his when he nipped a particularly tender spot on her shoulder and he hissed her name through his lips. The sound sent a spike of desire down into her belly and she did it again. 

He breathed out a shaky exhale, his large, inked hands coming to her cheeks. His eyes were closed tight like he was concentrating hard. 

“Trust me?” His voice was shaky and barely audible. 

“Yes.” It was immediate this time. 

His soft smile made her chest ache and when he opened his eyes, she almost sobbed with the warmth and  _ care _ that settled in the green pools above. He shifted so he stood entirely between her legs, his hands gripping either side of her waist. 

“Keep going?” he asked, making her laugh slightly. 

He couldn’t even make full sentences around his heavy breathing. 

“Yes,” she replied, her voice as thin as air. 

His grip tightened and he lifted her from the floor. Her heart raced, thudding violently in her chest. She wrapped her legs around his waist out of basic instinct to remain in some way safe and stable, which in turn earned her a satisfied smirk from the man below her. 

“V, you can’t carry me!” she almost shouted, despite the fact that her arms flew around his neck when he took the first couple steps. 

He let out a laugh as he walked down the hall, “maybe not for long, but I can definitely make it to the bed.” 

She was dropped onto the mattress before she could utter a response, proving him correct. 


	3. Clarity and Strength

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still want you to remember I don't know what I'm doing.

He shed his jacket, earning her studious eye as she traced his tattoos across his lean body with her gaze. She wanted to reach out and run her fingers across them, wanted to explore their strange swirling knots of smoke on soft skin. He wasn’t muscular like his comrades, but she’d learned throughout this experience about the strength his form didn’t speak of.

She gulped when he slowly crawled across her body, holding his weight off while he leaned down close to her face.

“You okay?”

She nodded. His raised brow made her sigh.

“Yes.”

Her answer drew a smile back to his lips that she was happy to earn. He leaned down and captured her lips with his in a passionate, yet slow kiss. One hand came up to stroke her neck, his thumb caressing the curve of her jaw.

She felt him tremble as he slowly descended his weight against her, reminding her of his incredible patience with her broken, confused body. His hands were tracing her arms as she moved them to reach around his neck and welcome him closer to her. When his fingers found hers, he eased them back down and kissed the knuckles of each hand.

“You’re safe,” he reminded, confusing her for only a brief moment.

He guided her arms up until her hands were pressed against the tops of the pillows. Her knuckles brushed the metal bars at the head of the bed. Sparks exploded in her belly and she became rigid.

“V!” she begged, her breath catching in her throat.

He froze above her, frowning and locking eyes with her.

“Too far?” he breathed out, his voice no more than a deep whisp of smoke.

They’d already talked all this out before, but it was so different actually going through with it. He clearly understood that and it brought back that ache in her heart. _Why do you care this much_ ? _Am I worth it_?

She stared up at him, her mouth hanging open as she fought for the right words, the right feelings. _Exposed_ her mind gave her. _No defense or chance to fight, no hope if your hands are out of the equation above your head. You’re exposed. At his mercy._ That almost made her laugh. Wasn’t she already?

He didn’t move, not to retreat or to continue. Just panted above her, waiting and observing her struggles.

Finally, she shook her head, removing her hands from his and reaching up to hold onto the metal bar tight. She heaved a steadying inhale, held it, then released.

“I trust you,” she declared.

His grin was dazzling. It almost blinded her if she was honest. He pressed a soft kiss to her lips, lingering there and easing his tongue into her mouth. It was a strangely lazy kiss as he stroked her jaw again and again with his thumb. It was like he was coaxing her, beckoning her somehow, but she didn’t know where he wanted her to go, just enjoyed the feeling of warmth and being _covered_ without worry.

He pulled back finally and looked serious, his mouth a hard line.

“How far do you want to go?”

Her eyebrows raised high.  Hadn’t they discussed this? But again, she reminded herself: _it’s different when you actually do it. Actions speak louder than words and your body is already ringing with the volume set on high._

V leaned down again, placing open mouthed kisses along her cheek bone until his nose brushed her ear. “Do you want it all, or just to stay like this?”

His voice had an edge to it that made him sound just short of growling, and it sent electricity between her legs.

“I don’t want to push you,” he continued, planting a kiss beneath her earlobe, “you’ve done so well, and you’re so much stronger than you gave yourself credit for.”

Her chest tightened and she gasped. Here was this incredible hunter laying between her legs, his arousal pressed against her, his body shaking from the control he was keeping over himself when he _clearly wanted to entirely ravish her,_ while she lay there beneath him completely open to him, having just willingly placed her hands high above her head in a position that left her _exposed and pliant_ to his desires.

And he was still giving her total control.

She was almost certain she was going to cry.

“Just -” she choked on her words for a second, her face lighting on fire suddenly. She turned away from him as she whispered, “just tell me… is this only going to be for tonight?”

She wasn’t sure she could return to ‘friends’ after something like this. But that was a question he’d forgotten to put on his mental checklist. _Maybe he avoided it on purpose_ …

He tensed. Even the hand on the side of her neck grew rigid. The motion made her heart squeeze and she wanted to disappear.

“Did you want it to be?” he breathed, barely audible.

She shook her head, biting her lip as tears welled again in her eyes. _Don’t go, don’t go, don’t go. I need you._ “N-no. Not if I ask for it all.”

He laughed then, all the tension leaving as he pressed his lips to her cheek firmly. “You can have it all then for as long as you want it… my heart included.”

Her eyes bulged and she snapped her gaze back to the incredible warmth within his.

“Your heart?” she echoed in awe.

He nodded, a few strands of jet black hair falling over his eyes.

“Do you want it all then?” he asked softly.

“Yes.” Again, she answered with no hesitation. _Is this love or pity_?

“You trust me?”

“Yes.” _It doesn’t matter as long as you stay_.

“Don’t let that bar go,” he commanded, his voice like a pur.

She nodded, warmth pooling inside her belly. He moved down, hooking his fingers into the waist of her jeans and pulling them down her smooth legs in one easy movement. His hands glided along her skin, followed closely by soft kisses as he traced his way up both legs. She noted that his pace had picked up slightly and it sent a thrill up her spine. It was a sign he was less worried about her fear resurfacing, putting concrete into his previous words, _you’ve done so well and you’re so much stronger than you gave yourself credit for._ Maybe. Just maybe. He was right.


	4. Bright Idea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is self harm reference in this chapter and a bit of snark from our nameless OC. Also we're strolling back into territory I had to use google to understand.

She raised her head to watch him, catching his green eyes just in time to see the sparks that glinted off them. They glowed with a challenge. Watching to see if she’d retreat from him again. Almost daring her to. Expecting it but amused by the thought.

And then she realized it.

He’d reached the place that had forced the conversation that brought them to this point. The place where she’d hid a secret from even him, despite the care he’d taken with her recovery. The place where she feared he would feel betrayed and angry when he found what she’d done to herself after everything she’d been through. The cluttering of self harm scars that covered her thigh like she’d lost a fight with a barbed wire fence. _And of course you’d remember it, and of course that curious mind of yours would be wondering if my body would do the same thing as before when it is in a different circumstance._

But her mind couldn’t seem to find that flinch. It was frozen with its own curiosity. _What will you do there_?

He ran his fingertips across the hundreds of tiny, upraised lines that criss-crossed her left thigh. The evidence of her feeble attempts to erase these memories all on her own. He kissed and nipped at the thicker scars that revealed her desperation and shattered coping mechanisms. She thought that maybe she’d hate them being touched like that, having felt shame and terror when he’d brushed them through her jeans before. (he never intended the touch to lead anywhere, it was just the brush of a hand trying to be comforting and when she shot upright, scrambling away in such a suspicious manner… Welp.  Time to talk, time to figure it out. How the hell had that led to this?)

But damn, was she wrong. Lightning shot straight up into her core and she moaned. Spurred on by the sound, V licked across them, making his way to the inside of her thigh where he slowly sank his teeth into her skin again. Her back arched and his name was mewled through her lips.

He ventured his lips up her thigh until his nose brushed the side of her panties, her breath hitching as she _felt_ him smirk with that devious mouth. His teeth grazed the little curve where her thigh and pelvis met, letting heat glide beneath the fabric and course over her where she _needed_ him to touch.

“V, _touch me already_ ,” she all but demanded, her voice hoarse as she twitched her hips just enough to put him where she wanted him.

His chuckle drew warm waves out from between her legs as he hooked his fingers in the waistband and slid her underwear down slowly, leaving kisses down her legs and nibbling his way back up.

His large hands clamped down on both her thighs in a grip that should have had her tensing; should have forced him to remind her about how safe she was with him. Except when his gaze shifted up to check on her, all she sent back with her eyes was a warning: _don’t you dare underestimate my control now._

He smirked, slipping his right hand up slowly to make contact with her heat, rubbing her slick folds with the tips of his fingers. _Finally_.

Her body was far less ready than she thought, though. The bolt of lightning that struck from her core up into her brain made something go blank inside it, spurring this shuttering response that screamed for a fight. _Off, off, off_ it shouted in the darkness and her thighs closed against his touch, stopping his hand with such tense muscles that they ached and trembled.

She let out a strangled cry of frustration, throwing her head back against the pillows. _Stop doing that, we’re fine, we’re fine_!

The other hand on her thigh didn’t move, nor did the one that was trapped. He bent up over her, hushing her cries softly.

“You’re safe,” he whispered.

Which only sparked the boiling rage in her chest as she spat, “I know that! I just wish my _fucking_ body would catch up with me already!” 

V’s mouth fell open in surprise. For a few moments, all that could be heard was her heavy breathing as she fought off the ridiculous urge to sob. Then she watched a light bulb glow in his eyes as a wicked grin took his lips.

“You trust me, right?” he asked, his voice light and even edged with amusement.

He retrieved his hand from between her legs (with effort; since when had she had such strong thighs?) and placed it oh so lightly against her hip.

She narrowed her eyes, “I think we’ve established this as fact by now, V.”

Without so much as a response to her sudden attitude, he was climbing off the bed, leaving her confused, half naked, a little bit hurt… and kind of frightened. She didn’t want to disappoint him, though, so she remained perfectly still and kept her hands on the steel frame above her head. When he returned into her line of sight, she gaped.

He had four long black ribbons in his hand.

“V…”

“Still trust me?”

Her heart stopped. Yet still…

“Yes.”


	5. Fighting Your Mind

The moment his hand touched her foot, she still tensed despite her response. She forced herself to breathe, though, and watched as he guided her foot to rest as close to the bed post as she could reach. The first ribbon sent a mixture of emotions flooding through her, partially made up of fear and memory and pain. The other part excitement. Actually, a lot of excitement.

“You’re safe,” he promised as he moved on to her other foot.

He ran one hand over her calf muscle, squeezing it gently while his other clasped her ankle and guided it into position. This time, the ribbon reminded her of her descriptions of his voice. _It’s like smoke and silk have bonded together and when he’s aroused, the silk is frayed at the ends, the smoke fresh off the wood with the crackle still echoing in it._ It allowed her to calm right down.

She lay holding the bar, breathing slowly and counting to five with each inhale and exhale. V crawled up her body again, trailing kisses up her stomach as his hands travelled beneath her shirt. He splayed his fingers across her belly and she enjoyed the way they engulfed her in warmth. He was straddling her hips and removed one hand to bring it up and cup her cheek.

“You okay?” he asked softly.

“Yes,” she replied, with a strength that she was glad to hear.

He nodded, the hand on her stomach moving high and lifting her shirt slowly. The cool air of the room brought goosebumps to her skin and she leaned up to help him ease it off of her. He pulled her into a long, languid kiss that dunked her mind back into its tumbling state of light and floating. She hooked an arm around his shoulders and pulled him down with her, deepening the kiss with a reflection of the fervor he’d used earlier. The moment she felt him smile into that kiss was worth every frustrating flinch that had led her to it.

“Hands?” he suddenly asked against her lips.

She was only confused for a second until she realized that she was clinging to him, trying to pull him impossibly closer. _Right… makes no sense to bind my feet when I can still throw punches_ . Not that she expected to, but she’d never done this _without_ wanting to fight.

Despite the way her heart clenched, she removed them from around him and crossed her wrists, offering them to him. Her decision made.

“You may as well be thorough,” she mused, but didn’t meet his gaze.

He chuckled, gently nipping her nose.

As her bound wrists were guided up over her head, she gripped the bar again for good measure and breathed out long and slow, trying to stabilize her racing heart.

V leaned down and pressed a hard kiss to her lips that she returned with enthusiasm.

He pulled back and smiled at her, though his gaze was deadly serious.

“Do you remember the colors?” he asked, drawing her memory of their discussion up to her mind.

She nodded once.

He raised his hand and wiggled his fingers in the air until her gaze trained on them. Then he made a fist and counted off by raising them, “green?”

“Keep going.”

His smile grew warmer. “Yellow?”

“Slow down.”

“Red?”

“Stop, give me a minute but it’s not over.”

His voice dropped its timber when he said the final color, “black?”

She gulped. “Cut me loose, hands off, we’re done.”

He nodded his satisfaction and leaned down over her. “You ready?”

“Yes.”

His inked knuckle caressed her cheek and he gazed down at her with a soft, loving haze climbing up over the incredible lust that raged there. As she looked at him, _really_ saw him, she couldn’t help but feel tears in her eyes. _You’re incredible, V… so why am I the lucky one to earn attention like this from you? I am soiled._

She couldn’t keep his gaze any longer, and instead shifted to look down at his body hovering over hers. His tattoos were like smoke rippling across his skin. The muscles beneath quivered all over his body, holding back the beast that she could only hope one day she could get to know as well.

Today was not that day, though. Today, V was reigned in entirely, taking his time to worship her scarred, paranoid flesh like it was a precious jewel.

His hands travelled down her ribs again as he placed kisses across her collarbone. He journeyed down over her breasts, kissing the flesh that was open to him and lightly taking the edge of her strapless bra in between his teeth for a second. He paused to glare down at the fabric, the look amusing her briefly.

He leaned back, reaching up to the clasp and mumbling a quick, “trust me?”

“Always.”

The final piece of fabric hiding her body from him was pulled away gently. She thought she would feel something strange when she was entirely exposed, but her mind was too fogged up to notice anything other than the warmth in his widening, hungry gaze.

He leaned down to press the softest kiss against the curve of her breast, drawing a small gasp from her above him. The sound made his gaze flicker up to meet hers, holding her eyes captive as he slowly moved to take her nipple into his mouth and drag his teeth along it gently. She sucked in a hiss and just barely arched up into his mouth. That devious grin returned, and he pulled away from her.

Her whine of disappointment was quickly hushed by a wave of confusion and curiosity. He laid his arms over her chest and rested his head against them, gazing up at her with a face that was hazy and half drunk. A lazy smile on his lips, even as that mischief and devilish glance lay hidden behind all of it.

“Are you ready to try again?” he whispered, his voice more crackling wood than smoke this time.

She nodded slowly, swallowing hard.

He didn’t move, but the smile fell to a disapproving frown that made her heart pick up. In a good sort of way.

“Yes,” she answered, remembering on her own this time that her voice was welcomed. Then she quirked up her lips to mimic the smirk she’d received so often from him and whispered, “but you’re wearing too much.”

The chuckle he gave her glided across her skin. She enjoyed the way the lightning and thunder inside of her was beginning to circulate with a warm welcoming hum that had given up on its fear. Her body was beginning to _understand_ what her mind had already decided about this man and it almost drew her tears back again. The battle in her muscles dying out as she gave herself away again, finally realizing that she was _safe_ even as she was entirely _defenseless_. She’d never thought she would be here again in this kind of position.

But she didn’t want to cry.

She wanted V to make her scream. _Properly_.

The clang of his belt hitting the floor drew her back into the room. And something shifted as she turned to watch him slip his black pants to the floor. The waiting hum under her skin became slightly louder as she took in the sight of her lover and she thought for a second that it was anticipation.

 


	6. Flash of Black and Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be warned: this chapter has a panic attack within it and you as the reader go through it with her.

He eased onto the bed and sat next her legs, his knee brushing her thigh. Heat skittered off the contact, sparks rising off her skin. One hand came to rest on her scarred thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze and drawing her eyes to see his observing the movement of his knuckles caressing the inner curve of it.

This was really happening, she realized. He was really going to replace the violence inside her skin with the hush of his smoke and silk. No turning back now, she was bound and exposed and he was right there waiting for her signal to tell him it was okay to take her body into his hands.

It was like she was dragged out of a deeply vivid dream in that moment and this time, she recognized when her mind shuttered into the blackened terror that only knew one singular word.  _ No, no, no, no _ .

Her lungs stuttered to an immediate halt. The dancing sparks gliding from his skin on hers instantly becoming too hot, burning inside her muscles and something inside of her started to  _ thrash _ beneath the skin. Searing pain shot across her chest while her heart stopped beating and just  _ squeezed _ .  

“V-” she choked out, feeling her throat closing up when her chest bucked with the crash of shattering glass across her nerves.

They sliced into every muscle, cutting to the bone and she couldn’t breathe as the memories came rushing, coating everything she saw. 

Bruises. Her eyes saw bruises across every surface of her skin. She couldn’t bring air in and she couldn’t push it out and she was  _ bleeding _ from every scar as her mind tore them open again under the pressure. 

His head snapped up immediately, taking in the white faceless terror that was taking over her (she could feel it like a mask crumbling off and revealing something ugly and raw beneath it), causing his eyes to narrow and she couldn’t help but wonder if he was  _ mad _ . 

Gulping hard, she forced her ribcage to _lift_ and let her lungs peel open just once more as she all but whined, “Red, red, red.” _Don’t leave me, just help me, I want this. Please understand, I want you so bad, just help me!_

He looked mad. He looked insulted. _No,_ her heart leaped from within her chest, racing up to yell at her with reason, _that’s just what you_ **_want_ ** _to see... he looks scared. Worried and confused, doesn’t know what you need. Wants us to be okay. Tell him what we need. He’ll do it. He’ll do it. You know he will._

And since when did her heart have any goddamn wisdom in it? But it didn’t stop the fact that her mind was starting to churn the gears again, slowly and clunky like they’d been rusted over. And she saw what her heart was saying.

His green eyes glowed as if the lakes were lit up by direct sunlight and she could see clearly inside of them, the rapid thoughts flashing that were trying to decide what to do for her to calm down. _Your voice. It’s so strong and alluring and sultry and so different from_ **_his_ ** _, it’s an elixir for anxiety, a remedy for pain, it’s a drug. A goddamn drug that I’m becoming addicted to._

“T-talk to me!” she demanded, forcing the words out through clenched teeth.

“Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?” he questioned without a second of hesitation, as if it had been on the tip of his tongue that whole time just waiting for her to beg it out of him.

Her lungs accepted the shot of a hissing surprised inhale.

He tilted his head to the side, regarding her with a studious frown. “Did no one ever tell you that you are like royalty? A princess who should be gilded in gems and gold.”

She thought that maybe he was going to crawl on top of her again and make her body accept his warmth, engulf her in his presence, forcing her to soak it up until she calmed down to the sound of his voice.

She really hadn’t learned much during this experience.

He walked his fingers up her belly as he eased himself down on his side, his other arm underneath his head and holding it up so he could watch her. Laying beside her bound form like they were just having a pleasant visit. His eyes were trained on the journey of his feather light touches up her abdomen, observing the way her muscles jumped beneath the movement.

“Do you know that I was ready to worship this body of yours from the moment I first laid eyes on you?” he continued with that crackling fresh smoke of his voice.

 _Liar_ she mused in her mind, but found that she didn’t have the guts to say it out loud.

“You know by now that I quite enjoy poetry,” he stated smoothly, his fingers dancing up the valley between her breasts and reaching her collarbone.

His hand stopped then.

Her eyes met his as he frowned up at her with an expression that was both curious and warm with affection. His palm came back to her cheek so slow and soft that she noticed the warmth before realizing it was his hand.

“You are the living embodiment of poetry,” he whispered as he leaned down, brushing his lips over hers, so light it couldn’t even be considered a kiss. “You are made from verses bled from the pen of the moon.”

His hand slipped down across her throat, reminding her of when she was pressed to the wall and he’d eased that hand closed around her delicate little neck. He did not do that this time, but her senses were hyper attentive to the feel of his fingertips on her artery at the side.

“I will _never_ hurt you,” he whispered against her lips.

 


	7. Trust You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And unknown territory has been reached. And reached well.  
> I am so sorry it took so long to get here.  
> Another brief reminder: I have no clue what I'm doing. Send help.

The words were swallowed up by her lifting her head and capturing his mouth with a groan of his name. Her lungs finally restarted and her body _remembered_ who this was that she was giving herself to, and as her chest eased, she distinctly realized just how badly she _wanted_ him to engulf her. She pulled away from his mouth and panted a few hard breaths before she trusted her voice.

“Green,” she relented, catching his eyes with hers.

She almost laughed when his gaze hesitated on hers, _are you sure_?

“I liked your weight on me,” she encouraged.

V didn’t need any further prompting as he rolled onto her. His hand on her throat shifted just enough to grip her jaw and guide her mouth back to his with a heated surge.

His other hand walked back down her chest and abdomen, as the kiss slowed and he pulled away slightly. He paused when his fingers were just reaching her pelvis, glancing down as if to double check that he'd made it where he wanted to go. Her thighs twitched with the tension from before, causing him to return a frown at her.

“Do you _want_ me to touch you?” he queried softly. “It's okay if you say no. You're allowed to stop me at any time, I won't hold it against you.”

She almost wanted to scoff, stopping herself at the last second. It made sense. _Actions speak louder than words. But not when the body is broken while the mind is perfectly clear._

“Don’t listen to my broken body, V,” she damn near whimpered. Having to remind herself to breathe became a hassle as she fought for the right words to explain herself with. “It is a whirlwind right now. It’s confused and it’s frightened and it’s overheating and hyper sensitive to _every single thing_ you do.”

His eye brow had quirked up with that last one and it stunned her lungs. Breathe woman. Let out a long breath, pull it in, ignore the heat in her cheeks. She closed her eyes tight.

“Don’t stop when I tense anymore, V. Listen to _me_ , because _this_ -” she hardened every muscle in her body, visibly rigid like a board, opening her eyes to catch the glow in his, “-won’t stop until you have claimed every inch of this body as yours. Understood?”

The edge of his lips tipped up in a devious smirk as his eyes darkened and a piece of what he was holding back slipped out to take over the expression.

“ _Understood, darling_ ,” he whispered, the smoke so much more rough as it dug a promise into her skin.

She relinquished the hold of her muscles as a shiver raced down her spine.

V no longer hesitated, diving his hand down and _finally_ pressing against her heat again. Her head fell back on the pillows as the pressure sent a mess of electric messages across her stomach and legs. Some were panicked and begged her to fight, while others were swooning with each circle he pressed into her sensitive lips. She felt his eyes on her face, but she couldn’t bring herself to look at him as she lifted her hips to demand more from his touch. Had she just made him chuckle? She wasn’t sure, but when his thumb found her clit and pressed gently against it, her curiosity was silenced. The brewing storms that were building out from her sex were shifting from the mixed messages towards one solid word that quivered across ever muscle fibre in her body. _More_.

The more gasps and hisses he received, the less his touch was held in restraint and as soon as she released a shuttering moan of his name, she sucked it back in on a swoon.

His long finger dipped into her heat, making her back arch off the bed. He bent over her, pressing his hand into the bed beside her and brushed her ribs with his wrist as his mouth came down on her throat. His teeth worked purple marks into her neck and she pushed down on his hand, releasing a keening sound that made him groan against her skin.

“V, more,” she begged, biting her lip hard to hold back the set of expletives she wanted to release.

“Your wish is my command,” he replied, nibbling on her collarbone.

The second finger was almost immediately followed by a third as her gasps and cries appeared to drive him entirely mad. She watched the green of his eyes quickly disappear into a small ring around dilated pupils and decided it was her favorite sight.


	8. Cherished

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may or may not have gotten really emotional writing this final chapter. I didn't even plan this far when I sat down to write this thing so I'm half surprised that I even managed to finish it, but then it crawled under my skin and flopped my bloody heart onto the keyboard so I guess that's happening. Here we are...

He curled his fingers and she saw white for a second as the pleasure rocked through her. His chuckle could be heard again and if she was more coherent, she’d have a choice word or two for his humor, but she was boneless under his ministrations. He made the same gesture inside her, blinding her with the flashes of lightning that coaxed her closer to the edge and she chased it freely, moving her hips to meet each dive of his fingers. 

“V, V, V!” 

That one letter, the name of this man who was making her see supernovas behind her eyes, repeated from her throat like a mantra or a prayer. Her voice was climbing higher as the flashing lights became just a wall of white in her mind, the waves crashing up from her abdomen no longer having a fall, just continuing to rise and rise and  _ fucking rise. _

His mouth found hers again, swallowing her moans while he released one of his own that sounded more like a deep growl. 

“That’s it,” he praised against her lips, nipping her bottom lip and smiling. “That’s it, let it take over you, darling.”

He moved to her throat, mouthing one of the sensitive marks he’d left behind and kissing it softly, drawing circles of warmth out from it that barely stood up against the heated waves crashing over her. 

“Come undone for me,” he whispered into her throat. 

Her body was  _ eager _ to be obedient to the rumble of his command.

She cried out as her body shuttered, arching her back up even as she pushed down on her hips, trying to take his fingers in as far as they could reach. 

She lay beneath him, her whole body quaking as he slowly removed his hand from between her legs. He captured her mouth in a slow kiss as his wet fingers rested against her hip. She didn’t miss the way he carefully eased himself between her legs, nor the gentle rock of his hips that let her know what was coming next. 

V pulled back from her just enough to lock his gaze with hers. His cheeks were red and she safely assumed her face was probably scarlet. 

“You can still say n-” he started, but this time she didn’t let him finish.

She bucked her hips against his, both of them moaning as her slick folds slid along his length. 

“Don’t stop now, V, I need you,” she begged, her voice ragged and short of breath. 

He paused, his eyes closing as he released a quiet hiss at her words. When he gazed down at her again, his eyes were as dark as a thriving forest and she  _ reveled _ in being beneath it. He rocked his hips and dragged his length down her sex once more before pressing the head against her opening. Leaning down, his nose touched hers and he cupped her cheek again, running his thumb across her cheekbone. 

“Keep your eyes on me,” he instructed, so soft it was like a pur. “The eyes are the doorways to the soul. And I am going to watch it light on fire.”

He waited for her to nod, dipping his head to claim a chaste kiss from her lips. 

With their gazes locked together, he pushed torturously slow inside. In unison, their mouths dropped open, hers the gesture of a silent plea and him letting out a low, rumbling moan. 

A brief moment of tense anticipation followed the movement as they both awaited another recoil in her, but her body was thrumming with a heat that silenced the rest of her nerves. She was weightless beneath V, every piece of her finally coming into agreement and wanting him to just  _ move _ . 

He started slow, careful, watching her eyes with too much analysis for what was happening between them. She saw the struggle there reflected back at her, the battle inside him to stay in control until he was certain she wasn’t going to go into another attack. His arms beside her head were shaking again. It was rather adorable. But she didn’t want adorable. She needed more. And she already knew her body was  _ oh so ready for him to let go _ . 

With what little movement her legs could muster in their bound state, she pressed her knees against his hips and pushed with hers, taking more of him in and arching her back when the heat licked up her spine.

"Fuuuck," she dragged out quietly. 

The way he filled her was so perfect it was like he was sculpted just for her body. Stretching out her walls  _ just _ enough to be utterly delicious. 

He took the hint, though.

Flashing her his wicked grin again, his large hands found purchase on her hips, digging his thumbs in beside the bone and he snapped his hips to meet hers. He pulled almost entirely out before doing it again, and she couldn’t utter a sound from her throat as her mouth dropped open in a silent cry. 

She tried to keep her eyes on him as instructed, tried to let him see her pleasure painted across her face, but it was so good that her head started to feel light. She threw it back against the pillows as his thrusts pulled moan after moan from her throat until she thought she may actually lose her voice. 

His hand appeared at her jaw again, pulling so she had to drop her chin downward and he was right there in front of her face with emerald eyes blown in lust. 

“Eyes on me,” he instructed again, this time holding no subtlety in his growling voice. 

His thrusts were getting sloppy as they chased their ends together and he dipped his hips to find a new angle, making her scream as the lightning struck again in the best possible way. 

“Fuck! V right there!” she cried, clenching her teeth to hold back more sounds of her pleasure. 

With their gazes locked, she saw the perfect shift within them that stole away the last of his control and she knew she should have been frightened, but she just couldn’t feel anything other than anticipation. 

He released a low growl from deep inside his chest and dipped his head against her throat, panting into the curve where he’d left his very first mark on her.  _What happened to watching my eyes_ , she mused just before her mind was blinded again. His thrusts gained a new power to them that made colors dance behind her eyes and her body was singing beneath him. He planted his mouth on her skin, making her wonder if he’d bite her again, but he didn’t. He sucked the skin in a slow contrast to his incredible thrusts below and she found the storm inside her was beginning to circulate like a hurricane in her belly, heat rising there and pulsating in time with his delicious movements. 

“You’re so good,” he whispered against her neck, emphasizing the final word with a powerful thrust that made her mind wash clear for a second. 

He let out a long, deep moan into her flesh before his mouth returned to its work easing the bruise on her neck. 

“So good, so good,” he was mumbling; each time he said ‘good’ being parallel to another thrust.

She wondered if the heat building up inside of her was capable of burning his stomach pressed against hers. 

Fires were building inside of the storm and she realized they were creating something solid inside her, like a coil that was twisting deliciously in her belly. 

He pulled his head back, bringing his hand to her throat and lightly gliding his thumb over her windpipe as he gazed down on her. It was the strangest thing; how he could look at her as if she were the glowing moon, his eyes worshipping her with warmth and affections. His gaze so soft. 

While at the exact same time, he was ramming into her body with a force that sent shockwaves throughout her body like the aftermath of explosions. 

The duality and affection seemed to tighten that coil in her gut faster, jerking it into its tightest pull and she held her breath like that would stop it from snapping and bringing her second orgasm  _ before she was ready for it _ . 

And who would have thought that V leaning down to whisper, “I love you,” against her trembling lips would be her undoing?

She cried out as the storm finally hit, the coil snapped, and her body quaked with the shockwaves. The heat blinded her for a few seconds and she wondered if she was even still inside herself; she couldn’t be there inside her scarred, abused flesh anymore, surely not. She was high above it, she was an entity of warmth and power and something churning in her bones that might be named  _ cherished _ but she’d never tell that little secret to anyone. 

Long, quivering fingers stroking her cheek brought her back, opening the eyes she didn’t remember closing and connecting to two sunlit emerald lakes half hidden by drunken lids. 

V was breathing heavily, keeping her flushed cheeks lit with warmth as he softly smiled down at her. 

“No one is ever going to hurt you again,” he promised, his voice hoarse with the flames he sucked up from her skin. “I’ve got you now. I’ve got you.”

“Don’t let me go,” she whispered back as tears dripped from her closing eyes. 

She turned into his hand and kissed his palm. Inside her bones, a quiet hum settled. 

There were no more fists reopening old wounds from the inside out. 

The memories were burned up in the hands of this man collapsed on top of her and nuzzling into her shoulder. 

All she had left was smoke and silk. 


End file.
